


Dirty Laundry

by SailorLestrade



Series: Nothing Else Matters [4]
Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Does get happy, M/M, Mentions of Suicidee, News Media, Protective Nikki, Worried Nikki, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 03:03:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19220260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorLestrade/pseuds/SailorLestrade
Summary: When someone leaks Tommy's incident to the media, will everything him and Nikki have worked so hard to fix be destroyed?





	Dirty Laundry

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a Don Henley song about how messed up the media is.
> 
> Do you have anything you'd like to see in this series?

Nikki was sitting in the recording studio, playing with his engagement ring. It had been two months since the impromptu proposal, and he hadn’t regretted it once. Tommy being in his life was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He remembered that dorky smile from the day they met. How he always had his drumsticks on him and fidgeted with them when he was nervous. How he always loved Nikki’s ideas in the beginning, especially the stupid ones. They were the terror twins for a reason.

Soon to be terror husbands.

Tommy had therapy before band practice, and Nikki had got there early to just jam out on the different instruments. He wasn’t a guitarist by any means, but he could still turn out at least Smoke on the Water. He messed around on the drums for a bit, trying not to ruin Tommy’s configuration. Some would say it was a hot mess. Nikki said it was just Tommy.

Mick came in while Nikki was giving a one man show on the drums. He chuckled a little as he made his way to the couch. Nikki crashed the cymbals and looked at the older guitarist.

“Oh, uh, hey.” Nikki said, nodding at him. Mick looked over at his guitars. Nikki was sure he had put them back right, but when Mick turned back to look at him, he gulped.

“Next time, use the red one. The black one has harder strings.” Mick told him. Nikki breathed out a small sigh of relief. “You’re here early.”

“Tommy had therapy and I just wanted to get out,” Nikki shrugged. “So I just went ahead and came in.” He laid his sticks on one of the snares and made his way over towards Mick. “I’m sure Vince will probably be the last one here though.”

“You heard him before. If he doesn’t get his twelve hours of beauty sleep, he looks like a horses ass.” Mick chuckled.

“Maybe he should aim for thirteen then,” Nikki laughed. “Tommy will be here in about twenty minutes or so. Hopefully Vince gets here about the same time.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath,” Mick laughed, taking one of his guitars and putting it in his lap. “Wanna jam for a bit though?”

“Sure,” Nikki smiled, picking up his bass, ready to play.

****

Vince rolled out of bed and turned on the TV while he waited for his coffee to warm up. He wasn’t exactly known for getting to the studio early, or even on time, so he was taking his time. Plus he was not doing anything without his coffee. He wasn’t really a news guy, so he switched to watch some music videos. Of course, MTV had slowly been adding new things to it’s line up besides just the music.

And right now was their news.

“Damn it,” Vince groaned. He was half listening as he watched the coffee start to brew.

“We have unconfirmed reports from one of our affiliated magazine publications that Motley Crue drummer, Tommy Lee, was hospitalized sometime last year for a suicide attempt.” The person on TV said. Vince didn’t think he had heard right, but he still turned to look. And sure enough, there was a picture of Tommy at his drums on the screen.

“Oh no…” Vince whispered.

“We reached out to Motley Crue management for a comment, but haven’t received an answer.” The person reported. Vince didn’t listen to anymore of the news. He poured what coffee had brewed into a to-go cup, pulled on the cleanest clothes he could find quickly, and headed out the door. He drove towards the studio, stopping at a newstand along the way. He wasn’t sure which magazine was affiliated with, but he scanned each one until he found one with a small picture of Tommy in the corner and a headline that read “Rock & Roll Suicide”. He grabbed it and paid the attendant before heading towards the studio. He took a few moments to read the article. Just one page with a glossy photo and lots of speculation.

Speculation that was scary close to the truth.

“Fuck.” Vince groaned. He was going to have to tell Nikki. And he was scared about if Tommy had heard before Vince had a chance to tell them. He didn’t see Tommy’s car as he left his car and went to the studio, but he did spot Nikki’s and Mick’s. They were in the practice room, jamming out. But there was no Tommy yet.

“Guys, guys!” Vince called out as he made his way in, magazine in hand.

“What?” Nikki asked, placing a hand on his bass strings to stop them from vibrating. Vince just held out the magazine for Nikki to take it.

“I dogeared the article,” Vince said. “I saw it on MTV this morning. Someone fucking talked.” Nikki saw the title on the cover and quickly flipped to the page that Vince had marked. Mick read over his shoulder, looking up at Vince with wide eyes.

“Oh god. Oh no.” Nikki’s hands were shaking as Mick took the magazine from him to reread it better. “Who?”

“It had to be someone from the hospital,” Vince said. “Someone got fired and decided to sell the story?”

“How are we going to tell Tommy?” Mick asked. Nikki looked up at the clock that hung above the doors. Tommy should’ve been there by now. Nikki was scared now. Had Tommy already heard? Was he going to go home to the same scene he had witnessed at Tommy’s apartment? Or was it going to be that damn gun Nikki kept this time? Drugs? Jumping off that bridge where Nikki had proposed?

“Hey, hey, sit down,” Vince said. Nikki didn’t even realize that Mick and Vince were holding him up until he tried to take a step towards the couch and almost fell. “Easy Nik, we got you.”

“Where’s Tommy?” Nikki asked. “He should’ve been here by now…”

“I’m going to go check the parking lot,” Mick told him. “Just breathe Nikki. I’m sure he’s fine.” Mick left the room then, leaving Vince and Nikki sitting there. Nikki was staring at the vile magazine. He knew it would be a matter of time before the other media jumped on it. If MTV already got their hands on it, then people already knew and there were already probably messages on the machine about it.

“Nikki, I’m sure he’s fine,” Vince told him. “I bet he’s on his way here right now and he doesn’t know what’s going on.”

Mick had just gotten out the parking lot when Tommy’s familiar motorcycle roared into the lot. He had never been known to wear a helmet, despite being badgered by people close to him. He climbed off the bike and made his way towards Mick. But Mick could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t happy.

“Tommy,” Mick greeted him. Tommy knew something was up if Mick actually used his name instead of “kid”, “teenager”, or “drummer”, to name a few. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, I’m really pissed and don’t even know why I came down here,” Tommy growled. Mick could see something sticking out of his jacket pocket. A rolled up magazine.

“Oh no.” Mick whispered.

“I can’t be here right now,” Tommy sighed, turning on his heel. “If Nikki asks, tell him I went home.”

“Tommy wait!” Mick called after him. “Drummer get back here!” But he got on his bike and sped away. Mick groaned and made his way back to the practice room. Nikki looked up as he came in. “Well, I got good news and I got bad news.”

“That’s not scary at all,” Vince grumbed.

“Tommy was here,” Mick told them. “But I think he knows about the story and he stormed off. He said he was going home.”

“Shit!” Nikki jumped up and headed for the door.

“Nikki, where are you going?” Vince asked, standing.

“Home,” Nikki told him before leaving. Vince sighed and rubbed his forehead. He looked over at Mick.

“Remember when things used to be simple?” He asked.

“We’re Motley Crue. Nothing has ever been simple for us,” Mick replied.

****

As Tommy drove back towards his and Nikki’s home, his mind started to wonder. He knew Nikki, Vince, and Mick wouldn’t say anything about what had happened. And the more he thought about it, the more pissed off he got. He didn’t want people to look at him like he was broken or couldn’t be trusted alone. He had just fought his demons for over a year, and now he was engaged to a wonderful man, and for the first time in a while, he felt somewhat normal. He wasn’t 100%, and he honestly doubted he would ever be.

Before he registered what he was doing, he turned down a street, heading towards a friend of theirs who hosted a radio show. He knew he’d be going on soon and Tommy decided that if everyone wanted to know about him, what he had been through, he was going to give it to them.

After all, that was the name of the game right? Give the people what they want.

****

“Tommy?” Nikki called out as he made his way into their home. His car was there, but it was a nice day in LA and Tommy had opted for his bike, which was not there. After a quick search, Nikki knew Tommy wasn’t there and his heart was pounding. He had told Mick he was going home and he wasn’t there. Nikki closed his eyes and focused on his breathing before he picked up the phone and made a call.

“Hello?” Vince asked. He was the first one out of their group to get a cell phone. None of the others really wanted one. But Vince was a social butterfly and he wanted to be in the loop for parties and hookups.

“Its Nikki,” He ran a hand down his face. “Tommy’s not here.”

“What?” Vince asked. “But Mick said he was going home. He should’ve beat you there.”

“I know but fuck, he’s not here and I don’t know where he is,” Nikki was pacing.

“I’ll make some calls, see what I can figure out,” Vince told him. “We’ll find him before anything bad happens, okay Nikki?”

“God I hope so,” Nikki sighed before hanging up and closing his eyes. If he lost Tommy…

He wasn’t going to let himself think like that. Tommy was fine. He was probably just riding around to clear his head. He was fine.

Right?

****

“Tommy, my man!” Ty Carter, a DJ friend of his, smiled as he shook his hand. “What brings you here?”

“I came to give you an exclusive interview,” Tommy explained. “One on one in the studio. Live.” Ty raised an eyebrow as Tommy held out the magazine for him to read. “Media is going to be hounding me down. I figure that if I give you the rights to my story, then they can all fuck off.”

“Tommy, are you sure?” Ty asked. “I mean, this...this is a big thing. It might make things hard on you or something…”

“I’m sure Ty,” Tommy nodded. Ty sighed.

“Okay. I’ll tell production to get everything ready. It’ll be an hour probably. We could go grab some coffee or something down in the cafeteria.” Ty told him before going to talk to his production manager. Tommy ran his fingers through his hair before reaching for something to fidget with. He smiled at the receptionist before heading into Ty’s office to pace. She picked up the phone and called someone.

“Vinnie sweetie, it’s Caroline,” The girl said. “Hey, can you give me a scoop on why you’re drummer’s here?”

****

“Where is he?” Vince asked. Mick looked over at him. They had driven down to the strip to search him out. “Okay, thanks Caroline. I owe you.” Vince hung up and looked over at Mick.

“Tommy’s at a radio station,” Vince said. “I don’t know if I should be worried or relieved.”

“What’s he doing there?” Mick asked. “Let’s go tell Nikki so he can get some sort of peace.” Vince called Tommy and Nikki’s place, but didn’t get an answer.

“Damn it!” Vince hung up his phone. “No answer. You guys really need to get cell phones!”

“Don’t want one,” Mick told him. Vince sighed and headed towards their neighborhood. He hoped that Nikki was still there and just couldn’t get to the phone. Because he didn’t want to have to hunt down the bassist too. But ringing the doorbell brought on a negative result.

Nikki wasn’t home.

“Damn it!” Vince called out. “Why can’t either of these assholes just stay someplace where we can find them?”

“I’m getting them some sort of ID card telling people what to do if they find them,” Mick grumbled.

“Oh, I’m telling those two what they can fucking do when we find them,” Vince hissed. “At least we know where Tommy’s at. We could head that way.” Mick nodded and the two headed back out, heading for the radio station where Tommy was.

****

Nikki was driving around Los Angeles, trying to think of where Tommy would’ve went. They had been doing so good. Tommy was happier, Nikki could feel all the love between them. It was amazing. But it was like a switch had flipped and he blamed whatever asshole told the media about Tommy’s suicide attempt. When Nikki found out who it was, they were going to get a size twelve boot to the groin and a fist to the face. No need for lawyers.

But so far, his search had resulted in zero Tommy’s. He turned on the radio, maybe some music would help.

“And after the commercial break, we sit down with Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee for an exclusive interview!” Nikki heard Tommy’s friend Ty, tell the masses that were listening. Nikki all but slammed on his brakes. He managed to find a place to park without wrecking the car or killing one, and turned up the radio, ready to listen.

****

“Hi Vinnie,” Caroline smiled at him.

“Hey sweetheart. Where’s Tommy?” Vince asked. She pointed down the hall to the studio where Ty and Tommy’s interview was about to take place. The speaker in the hallway allowed people to hear the radio show. So as Vince and Mick made their way to the window, they could hear that Tommy’s interview was coming up. They could see the drummer sitting at the desk, headphones on, fidgeting. Ty said something and pointed, making Tommy turn to look.

“What the hell are you doing?” Mick asked through the window, but nothing could be heard due to the soundproof glass. Tommy just tilted his head. “Vince, give me your cell phone. I see the number for their phone taped up there.”

“See, cell phones are helpful,” Vince said, handing it to him.

“Oh bite me Malibu Barbie,” Mick snapped. He dialed the number and put the phone to his ear. Ty handed Tommy the phone to answer. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m not letting a magazine slander me,” Tommy told them. “I’m telling my side of the story before they can paint me into someone who can’t be left alone for even a second.”

“No one thinks that Tommy,” Mick told him. “We know how strong you are. We know you’ve been through a lot.”

“I have to do this Mick,” Tommy told him. “Maybe if there’s kids out there like me, maybe this can be a way to tell them to fucking talk to someone man. Because I didn’t think I could, and look what happened!”

“Tommy, what are you saying?” Mick asked. He heard Ty say something about thirty seconds to air.

“I’ll catch up with you guys later,” Tommy said before hanging up and sitting himself to face the microphone. Mick looked down at the phone then over at Vince.

“What is it?” Vince asked.

“I think things are about to be emotional.” Mick told him, giving him his phone back. The two members turned their attention back to the studio to watch and listen.

****

“Okay guys, we’re back and I have Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee in studio with us today. How are you doing today?” Ty asked.

“I’m pretty good. Thanks for having me man,” Tommy smiled a little bit.

“Okay, so I don’t know how many people out there in radioland have heard the story that broke this morning, or well, late last night, on MTV and in several magazine publication,” Ty began. “But it involves Tommy here, and we thought we’d hear it in his own words.” Ty took a breath, preparing himself. “Okay Tommy, can you start off by telling us what happened about a year and a half ago?”

“I was rushed to the hospital for a suicide attempt,” Tommy told him, running his thumb along the scar on one of his wrists. “I slit my wrists on my kitchen floor.”

“My god,” Ty whispered. “What...why?”

“Now I know that it was severe, clinical depression. But then, I just...I had this voice in my head. It was my own voice, telling me that I was unloved, that no one cared, that everything would be better if I was gone,” Tommy told him, his leg bouncing some with the need to fidget. “I had been dealing with it since, god, ‘83 at least. I could normally drown it out with booze, drugs, anything to keep my mind busy. But about two years ago, even doing that wasn’t helping. And I felt that I had no one I could talk to.”

“Could you not talk to your family or your bandmates?” Ty asked, the concern growing in his voice.

“My parents and I haven’t been on great speaking terms due to some life decisions that they didn’t really approve of,” Tommy explained, leaving it at that. Nikki, Vince, and Mick thought it was because Tommy didn’t want to go get his GED and at least, when in reality, he had come out to his family, and the only support he got was from his more proessive thinking little sister. “And the band, they had their own things to worry about. I didn’t think that any of them needed to hear my problems on top of their own.”

“There are great mental health facilities out there though,” Ty pointed out.

“Honestly Ty, there really aren’t,” Tommy told him. “If I would’ve had the resources open to me before I tried to take my own life, then maybe it wouldn’t have happened and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. But I wasn’t offered any type of help until after the fact. I wasn’t told that there were people I could talk to who would help curb the voice in my head. I wasn’t offered prescription medications to help balance chemicals in my brain. There’s only so much you can do on your own.”

“Okay, so what was going through your head when this happened?” Ty asked, looking down at some notes he had drawn up quickly before the interview started. He really wasn’t sure what Tommy wanted to say, so he was just trying everything the best he could.

“Honestly?” Tommy asked.

“Of course,” Ty told him, a little afraid of what was going to be said. Tommy glanced out of the corner of his eye at Vince and Mick who were standing there before taking a deep breath.

“That Vince thinks I’m an ass, Mick thinks I’m annoying, and Nikki thinks I’m pathetic,” Tommy stated. “I let myself believe that was right, because I had never been told otherwise.” Tommy looked down at this hands, unable to look over at the window to see Vince and Mick’s reactions.

“How are you handling things now?” Ty asked. “I mean, a thing like that just doesn’t go away overnight.”

“I still have nightmares about it,” Tommy admitted. “But I’ve finally started getting support that I needed all along. I’m trying to talk more, but I still reach the point where I say that not everyone needs to hear my problems all the time, even if they tell me over and over again that they’re there for me.” He paused then. Neither him nor Nikki had made their relationship public. If anyone really cared enough to find out, they weren’t hiding it. He almost wanted to tell the world, or well, the Los Angeles area who would then tell the world, about him and Nikki, but he decided against it.

“As long as you’re getting the help you need. Does this affect your touring or music?” Ty could tell Tommy was done for the day.

“We’re still touring, we’re still making music. I have my therapists number so if I need to call from a hotel room, I can. They’re working with me to help me find places along my tour route when I need help. If only this had been offered before, things might have been different. But I didn’t know enough to speak up, and resources aren’t made widely available to people until the damage has been done.”

“Okay, that’s all the time we have for this segment,” Ty said, knowing that Tommy needed the break and so did he. “Thanks for coming by and talking to us man.”

“Anytime. Thanks for having me.” Tommy offered him a smile before turning back towards the window where Vince and Mick were staring, wide eyed.

****

“Were we really that shitty to him?” Vince asked. “I mean, I thought if he was playing along with us, he was happy.”

“You just heard him, he wasn’t talking about it to anyone,” Mick sighed. “At least he’s getting the help now.”

“God, he’s pretty much been dealing with this the whole time the band was together,” Vince looked over at Mick. “Do you think Nikki heard?”

“I’m not sure,” Mick admitted. “Depends on a lot of factors. But you know he loves listening to this station.” They watched as Tommy got up, Ty hugged him, and he left the broadcast room. They waited out in the hallway as the drummer came out.

“So how pissed are you guys at me?” Tommy asked.

“Why would we be pissed at you?” Vince asked.

“We’re damn proud of you kid,” Mick told him. “Take a lot of balls to do what you just did. How do you feel?”

“Like I really just want to go home,” Tommy laughed a little.

“Go home man. You need the rest.” Vince told him. Tommy smiled a little before he headed out to the parking lot, getting on his bike to head home.

****

Nikki sat in the driver’s seat, in the same parking spot that he had pulled into when he first heard Tommy’s name mentioned. His hands were shaking and he had tears falling down his face. He didn’t realize how long he had been sitting there, just thinking about everything, until he looked at the clock and saw that it had been over twenty minutes since Tommy’s interview had aired.

“Shit!” Nikki started up the car and headed out of his parking spot. He had a feeling he was needed at home.

He pulled into the driveway just as Tommy was getting off his bike. He threw open his car door and jumped up, causing Tommy to look over. The drummer didn’t even have time to react before he was being wrapped up in a pair of tattooed arms.

“Fuck,” Nikki whispered, holding Tommy close to him. “I…”

“I’m so sorry Nik,” Tommy whispered. Nikki shook his head. “But I…”

“Let’s go inside,” Nikki told him gently taking his hand and leading him in. Once the door was shut, Nikki pressed his lips to Tommy’s. Normally, he didn’t care, but today, he figured that Tommy had been in the spotlight enough. He needed a break from it.

“Nikki,” Tommy whispered when they broke.

“I was so scared,” Nikki admitted. “I thought I was going to lose you.” He gently cupped Tommy’s face, calloused fingertips brushing over his cheeks.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Tommy offered him a small smile.

“I wish I would’ve known you had been dealing with this for so long, I would’ve helped you, I…” Tommy leaned in and kissed Nikki then to stop his train of rambles. When he pulled back, Nikki just stared at him.

“I didn’t even know what I was going through. So I couldn’t even begin to explain it to anyone,” Tommy told him. “But I’m starting to learn. And I think I’m finally doing a little better. It took more than an I love you to put me back together, but it sure did help the process along.” Nikki pulled Tommy in for another hug, holding him tightly against him.

“I love you so much baby,” Nikki whispered.

“I love you too Nikki,” Tommy closed his eyes, just letting Nikki hold onto him. “I love you too.”

The End


End file.
